| What people are saying |
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Parents“I liked and appreciated the honesty of all the people I met and enjoyed the very relaxed and non-judgemental atmosphere. I learnt how to change the way I think and about using my instincts/intuition. I think the most useful thing I took away was knowing that I have a choice of how I do things, either keep doing things the same old way or to change my approach.”Mrs S Amos, Parent, Maidstone Kent “I found the whole thing a very refreshing way of looking at things and particularly liked the honesty. The fact that the most important person is the child, leads to creating mutual respect. I found the informal approach very relaxing and the fact that we were sharing experiences and not being lectured too enabled others to share their challenges in a safe environment. I went away with the realisation that when you take an objective view, and not take it personally, you are able to deal with the situation more effectively.” Mrs P Fernett-Randall, Parent, Maidstone Kent "Parents often beat themselves up with guilt because of the things they haven't done right, they don't spend any time thinking about what they have done right, and they are afraid to ask for help. Parents feel uncomfortable to let people think they have failed, but in fact they haven't failed at all. Parents don't like to ask for help as they feel that's acknowledging that they have failed, when actually they have not failed they are just struggling with the next step. I think every family and every individual should have the chance to speak to a family coach to realise their potential and worth. And be able to act and interact with others particularly family members. Unfortunately there isn't enough love, interaction and communication within some families, which is why the world is in the state it is." Mrs S Green, Parent, Maidstone Kent “I really enjoyed the atmosphere of meeting in the coffee shop. It was relaxed and I felt able to ask questions or provide input, without being made to feel that I was on show. Being a parent doesn’t come with a rule book. It was good to be offered other ways to try, without feeling I was doing everything wrong. Some ways work but other ways work better or different. It’s helpful to learn of other peoples experiences and try and adopt knowledge to your own situation. Although I already knew about stepping back and counting to 10 in a stressful situation, I wasn’t sure how to put it into practice, but our Family Coach was able to give ideas on how to achieve this. I also learnt about ‘me’ time. If I feel able to cope, then I can cope with others. I feel that Family Coaching should be available to all.” Mrs S Corley, Parent, Maidstone Kent It was Sunday 10th May, a beautiful sunny day and I was off to a Christening to celebrate the birth of baby Joseph. It was no ordinary Christening and I was flattered to be asked to be a God Father. I will leave Alison to take up the story. “It was late June when I discovered I am pregnant again, I went to see my doctor who said she would let the midwife know, and with that I went home and went onto the internet to look for parenting classes, I wanted to change things this time around. There were loads in Kent and 99% of them were free and I was looking down the list this one course jumped out at me. So I printed off the list and said no more, I gave it to Darren. He was going through it and the same one caught his eye, it was the only one you had to pay for so we picked that one and e-mailed the group straight away. We got a call from a man called Alan Wilson he arranged to meet us at one of his Family Coaching Café taster sessions, we arrange to see him on 14th July at 2pm. We had a long chat and I explained our 6 children from previous marriages, were in care and why, he stopped us and said “to be honest as far as I’m concerned the past is the past and if you are both totally committed to a different future I can help you” – what a relief at last we had found someone who believes in us. I went on to tell him the problems we were having with our eldest son Lawrence, who is in a residential home. He looked at us and said “if you ask your son why he did what he did, he may not know why specifically and immediately be on the defensive. Try saying how can we support you to be better behaved, by asking him in this way he will be more likely give you a useful answer.” I remember thinking to myself, yes whatever, you don’t know Lawrence it’s not that simple with him. When I spoke to him next I remembered what Alan had said so I tried it and it has worked Lawrence’s behaviour improved 100%. Lawrence was a typical teenager who thought he knew everything, we applied some of the things we had talked about with Alan and helped Lawrence see things from different angles, for example, Lawrence was very hot headed which often ended up with a conflict of some sort with his peers in his care home. After listening to us he himself applied the skills we had learnt and to his surprise it worked, the conflicts were becoming fewer, Lawrence’s attitude has changed for the better and his language was far better then we could of dreamed of. Over the weeks Lawrence had changed his behaviour beyond recognition, no more fighting with peers and staff, running away, stealing and being a constant worry. He has become a peer mentor to his colleagues and the staff cannot believe he is the same lad. I believe if this approach can help Lawrence change then there is hope for other children and families out there. We see Lawrence as a typical teenager, who now, in his own mind is able to apply a positive thought process to many of things that he had struggled with, in fact he is starting to shine in many ways, for example, his school work had not been very good due to the conflict with his peers/teachers, his general attitude to life since being placed into care was no one cared for him except us. He started to apply some simple techniques that we had passed onto him which set him up to become a decent young man. His school work has improved, his school portfolio is so good he has obtained recommendation after recommendation and certificate after certificate, he is the only person in his year to complete it, all by just by applying a positive mental attitude. Lawrence seemed keen to learn more because he was seeing the benefits that he had made himself. In fact Lawrence was so surprised by our changes he said on one occasion “are you 2 on drugs, you have changed so much”. One thing I would like to add to this is that our personal circumstances were not very bright for the last two and a half years our children have been in care. We had the choice of going to a free course but we honestly believe the money we paid has changed our family’s future and given us hope that very soon we shall all be re-united as a loving family that we once were. If you are reading this and are in any doubt that this seems to good to be true, I challenge you the reader to put it to the test. The rewards that can be generated by applying techniques that are so simple to master, are far greater then you can imagine. I urge you to think where you are in your life and where you want to be, because ultimately you make your own future and you have a choice at every event that plays a part in your life. You need to be patient and follow your heart and I deeply believe we owe my sons safety and good behaviour to Alan. All I know is I feel much stronger than ever to fight for my children and help others and I have a lot less fears for my oldest son and our other children now. Thank you Alan for giving us this gift of the power of positive thinking.” I came away from the Christening on a real high – Alison looked radiant, Darren is training for a job in security, Lawrence is joining the army, baby Joseph looked adorable and they seemed a very happy and united family.
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