See the 'Focus magazine' editorial August 2008  

See the latest Press Release

What people are saying

Parents
“I liked and appreciated the honesty of all the people I met and enjoyed the very relaxed and non-judgemental atmosphere. I learnt how to change the way I think and about using my instincts/intuition. I think the most useful thing I took away was knowing that I have a choice of how I do things, either keep doing things the same old way or to change my approach.”
Mrs S Amos, Parent, Maidstone Kent

“I found the whole thing a very refreshing way of looking at things and particularly liked the honesty. The fact that the most important person is the child, leads to creating mutual respect. I found the informal approach very relaxing and the fact that we were sharing experiences and not being lectured too enabled others to share their challenges in a safe environment. I went away with the realisation that when you take an objective view, and not take it personally, you are able to deal with the situation more effectively.”
Mrs P Fernett-Randall, Parent, Maidstone Kent

"Parents often beat themselves up with guilt because of the things they haven't done right, they don't spend any time thinking about what they have done right, and they are afraid to ask for help. Parents feel uncomfortable to let people think they have failed, but in fact they haven't failed at all. Parents don't like to ask for help as they feel that's acknowledging that they have failed, when actually they have not failed they are just struggling with the next step.

I think every family and every individual should have the chance to speak to a family coach to realise their potential and worth. And be able to act and interact with others particularly family members. Unfortunately there isn't enough love, interaction and communication within some families, which is why the world is in the state it is."
Mrs S Green, Parent, Maidstone Kent

 “I really enjoyed the atmosphere of meeting in the coffee shop. It was relaxed and I felt able to ask questions or provide input, without being made to feel that I was on show. Being a parent doesn’t come with a rule book. It was good to be offered other ways to try, without feeling I was doing everything wrong. Some ways work but other ways work better or different. It’s helpful to learn of other peoples experiences and try and adopt knowledge to your own situation.
Although I already knew about stepping back and counting to 10 in a stressful situation, I wasn’t sure how to put it into practice, but our Family Coach was able to give ideas on how to achieve this. I also learnt about ‘me’ time. If I feel able to cope, then I can cope with others. I feel that Family Coaching should be available to all.”
Mrs S Corley, Parent, Maidstone Kent

"It was late June when I discovered I am pregnant again, I went to see my doctor who said she would let the midwife know, and with that I went home and went onto the internet to look for parenting classes, I wanted to change things this time around.  There were loads in Kent and 98% of them were free and I was looking down the list this one course jumped out at me. So I printed off the list and said no more, I gave it to my husband. He was going through it and the same one caught his eye, it was the only one you had to pay for so we picked that one and e-mailed the group straight away.

We got a call from a man called Alan Wilson he arranged to meet us at one of his Family Coaching Cafe taster sessions; we arrange to see him on 14th July at 2pm. We had a long chat and I explained our 6 children from previous marriages, were in care and why, and the problems we were having with our eldest son, who is in a residential home. He looked at us and said “if you ask your son why he did what he did, he may not know why specifically and immediately be on the defensive. Try saying how can we support you to be better behaved, by asking him in this way he will be more likely give you a useful answer.” I remember thinking to myself yes whatever you don’t know him it’s not that simple with him.

When I spoke to him next I remembered what Alan had said so I tried it and I did get an answer, we are now on the 17th August and it has worked his behaviour has improved 100%. He has always gone back on time since our chat and he has calmed down ten fold then on 12th August we started a course with Alan and I have benefited and learnt a lot from it. I believe if his approach can help my son change then there is hope for other children and families out there.

You need to be patient and follow your heart and don’t always think free things are best, Alan Wilson proves that and I deeply believe we owe my sons safety and good behaviour to Alan. All I know is I feel much stronger than ever to fight for my children and help others and I have a lot less fears for my oldest son and our other children."
Mrs A Riley, Parent, Dartford Kent

Professionals
"I think it is a great idea and there is nothing in the area like it, in fact there is nothing like it anywhere that I'm aware of. The cafe approach provides a valuable support mechanism for parents who may not access other services and gives them useful parenting skills."
Julia Fraser, Community Development Officer, Maidstone Borough Council

“This approach is very welcome and is a powerful tool in improving emotional wellbeing for both young people and parents.”
Barry Clout, Chairman of Kent Children’s Fund Network and KentCAN

“The 'Family Coaching Cafe' sessions offer vital support, guidance and preventative strategies to families in need. The sessions are run in environments that make families feel secure and confident.  Support is tailored to the unique needs of individual families.

The sessions are often a 'life-line' to families in difficulty who do not qualify for other support services.  More support like it is required to meet the needs of our families and ever changing society. I plan to use some of the course materials to support inmates and their families from a HMP young offender’s institute.”
Sally Lunnon, Chairperson, Medway Early Years Development
Childcare Partnership Chairperson, Medway Association of Day Nurseries
Primary School Governor

Synopsis of Differences Between ‘Counselling’ and ‘Coaching’
In my view the main difference between counselling and coaching is that counselling is focussed on situations that have occurred in the past, whereas coaching is based on events you want to happen in the future.
Counselling I have undertaken was always on a 1 – 1 basis and initially consisted of me talking about problems I was experiencing at the present time. However, the conversation quickly turned to experiences I had endured in my past life. The following sessions then concentrated in more detail on certain aspects of my younger days which would result in my reliving these unpleasant times. Eventually I got to the point where I was advised to look towards a more positive future, although it did take a long time to get there. I initially attended three psychotherapy sessions over sixteen years ago and then received a weekly one hour counselling session for 8 months, followed by another 4 months counselling with the same person 4 years later.
The coaching sessions I attended took place in a group setting, and although present day problems were obviously discussed we were all encouraged to think about how we could move forward, without looking back as to why we could be experiencing these problems.  We were questioned by our coach within the group and had to answer for ourselves, with no help from our peers. However, our peers were encouraged to give feedback at certain times but ideas of how to move forward had to be our own.
Personally I found the coaching sessions extremely challenging as it meant I was encouraged to set myself ‘smart’ goals and have a clear guideline to stick to in order to achieve them. I found myself having to wander out of my comfort zone many times and although this made sense to me it also made me very nervous and feel quite vulnerable at times.
I have been very privileged to have been able to experience both counselling and coaching and wonder how my life would have panned out had I started with coaching sessions. Personally I feel it was helpful to delve into my past so I could understand why I was experiencing certain problems in  my life but also believe that coaching has pushed me much further forward than counselling by way of setting ‘smart’ goals.
Susan Babin, Home-Start, Maidstone, Kent

And a coach
"Having agreed to accompany Alan on his first foray into running the free taster sessions at selected coffee houses in Maidstone I was a little unsure of how this new approach would be received. However my worries were soon dispelled, as we had someone turn up at each of the initial sessions and the message we were trying to get across was very well received, with a good take up of follow up exercises and future commitment.

The follow up sessions were both refreshing and very positively received by the parents who were committed to making changes within their families. The group seemed to merge into the earlier sessions rather by accident than design, but this was a very positive shift and seemed to gel everyone together instantly. Everyone was open, honest, open minded, relaxed and helpful to everyone else in the group. From my position it was electric to watch the bond and rapport between these complete strangers. They were united in their quest to help their families enjoy being together more, communicating positively and supporting their young people.

Every family is different and every problem, though recognisable to everyone, is unique, and everything anyone had to contribute was treated with the importance it deserved.  Everyone was made to feel valued and respected and the sharing of trials and errors were delivered and received freely and openly. It was a wonderful uplifting experience for me to be allowed to participate and contribute in such an enlightened empowering environment.  

After a couple of sessions the group almost became self coaching and I felt that Alan and I had managed to build a wonderful nucleus that will carry on growing in strength and numbers. The exercises and success diaries were discussed and tried to differing degrees, everyone saying they were aware of shifts in attitudes and more love and fun being experienced on a regular basis.

Parents that attended all took away a positive experience and benefitted immediately from the new way of listening, thinking, renewed confidence in themselves and trusting their intuition more than they had previously. I am thrilled that some parents have decided to sign up for the follow up training and I am looking forward to working with them on this wonderful journey of change and enlightenment."
Penni Lethbridge